just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
