If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
