Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
