Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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