proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
