On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
