Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm always down for nudity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
