just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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