Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
