I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
