Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
