Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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