Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
birth control should be required to get into college
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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