Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
