I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
