i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
