i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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