haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
