Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
