Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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