im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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