i don't like sucking hair
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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