She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We left the knife in your bed.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
