farters have to be the big spoon...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
