i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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