tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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