So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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