he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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