false alarm. still invincible.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
