brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
