official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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