Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
