So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
