We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
