This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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