i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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