We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
