Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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