I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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