She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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