i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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