Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
