i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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