would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
