He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
