dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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