oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Boobs speak an international language.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
