Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
