I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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