He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
