I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
